Bill English caught in John Keys seat.

Bill English was caught red handed 

 Bill English was caught lunch time today sitting in Prime Minister John Keys seat in his office. Key was reportedly visibly shocked upon returning from his lunch time sandwich and toilet break. "He was sitting there in my chair searching through my desk." Key left parliament early to try to relax after the traumatic event. Bill English was seen not soon after leaving the Beehive red faced.

We approached Cameron Slater for further incite onto the event, this took sometime as we had to take him to a local McDonalds. Cameron then said Key had been borrowing  Englishes stapler and not returned it for three days.

Winston Peters was not available for comment after he was seen with Englishes stapler.

John Key proposes new HIV and AIDS bill.

                 

John Key proposed the bill Monday

In an attempt to gain support from Northland John Key made a press statement early Monday stating "I promise Northland that if they rise up against Winston Peters I will send all persons infected with HIV or AIDS to Australia."

When he was questioned how this was to be achieved Key stated that he planned to put all people who carried the HIV virus with or without AIDS on Stewart Island then have the New Zealand navy tow it to Australia. Labor later dismissed this as not cost effective and voted instead to stamp people on the head with a red stamp with the words HIV on it.

Winston Peters defended his seat stating that Key was operating with unfair bribes he later went on to promise faster bridges and more internet.

Tony Abbot has not comment on this as he is busy this week reorganising his bogey collection.